


speak now (or forever hold your peace)

by blackhawkdown



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, Zutara Week: Day 2 - Speak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 02:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20024896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackhawkdown/pseuds/blackhawkdown
Summary: If you love someone, you're supposed to let them go. But what if the pain is more than you could bear?





	speak now (or forever hold your peace)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 2 of Zutara week, 2019. A modern AU, inspired by that episode of Friends where Ross said the wrong name at the altar. Hope you enjoy, and again, any feedback is appreciated!

This was crazy. _So crazy_. Possibly the craziest thing she’d ever done.

“You’re _insane_ , you know that, right?”

Katara’s nostrils flared with a frustrated _huff_. “I _know_ , Toph. I know.”

“Then why-”

“I _have to_ , ok? If I don’t-”

“What are you girls doing back here?”

“Sokka!” Katara jumped, turning to face her brother—the heel of one shoe not-so-subtley collided with Toph’s shin. The younger woman’s grimace said she knew exactly what it was for, but she grouched silently, crossing her arms. “We were just-”

“The ceremony starts in- wait. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Katara's reply came a little too quickly, but if Sokka noticed, he didn’t remark on it. “Just- it’s girl talk, ok?”

“Y’know, ‘girl talk’ hasn’t worked to gross me out since we were in high school—if you want me to butt out, just say so.”

Katara crossed her arms, lifting an eyebrow at him. “Would _that_ work?”

“Probably not,” he said with a shrug.

Suki appeared from behind him, then, leaning up to whisper something in his ear. “Ok, ok, I get the picture!” he said a moment later, holding his hands up in mock-surrender. “But the ceremony starts in fifteen minutes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got… Best Man-type things to do.”

As soon as Sokka was out of earshot, Katara rounded on his girlfriend. “What did you _tell_ him?”

“Oh, just that you had me scope out the most eligible bachelors among the groomsmen—he didn’t wanna hear any more after that,” she replied with a laugh, though the look in her grey-blue eyes quickly turned serious as she took in Toph’s remarkably steady glower. “Is she still planning to-”

“Yes.”

“ _Katara_.”

Katara pinched the bridge of her nose, breathing deeply in an attempt to quell her mounting frustration. “ _I know_ , ok? I know how this sounds, but I need to tell him! If I don’t- if I let him do this, and he doesn’t _know_ , then I- I’ll-”

Suki laid a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “Katara, look at me.” When their eyes met, she continued. “This is hard for you. I know. You guys _had_ something way back when, and then you went your separate ways, and you’re always going to wonder _what if_. But he’s getting _married_ in less than twenty minutes. It’s too late, ok?”

“But what if it _isn’t_?” There was just a hint of desperation in Katara’s wide blue eyes. Maybe a little fear—and underneath it all, a kernel of hope. The most dangerous combination. “What if there’s still a chance, only I’ll never know because _he_ doesn’t know that I-”

“You weren’t _here_ , Katara!” Toph broke in, with a foot stomp just hard enough to send a slight ripple through the ground. “After you left with Aang… even _I_ saw it, ok? How much he was hurting. He thought-”

“Toph-”

“No! She needs to hear this!” Suki gave a resigned sigh, and Katara’s gaze shifted to Toph’s milky green eyes. The question hung in the air—she didn’t need to ask. “Zuko thought he was the reason you stayed away.”

“ _What_? But I-”

“No buts! I’m not saying we didn’t try talking him out of it, but look at it from his perspective! He confessed his feelings for you, and then you left on your ‘save the world’ tour with Aang, and he had to get all his information from _Sokka_ because you stopped calling. Or writing. Or anything.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“We know,” Suki said gently. “You were trying to find yourself. But when we heard that you and Aang got together… well, from what Sokka said, it seemed pretty serious. And… Zuko needed to move on.”

“For _all_ our sakes,” Toph interjected, with a comically exaggerated eye roll.

“The point is, who do you really want to do this _for_? Do you think that confessing things and confusing him on his wedding day is what’s best for _him_? Or for yourself?”

“I… I don’t know,” Katara admitted, tugging on a lock of her hair. She _wanted_ to argue the point, to say anything that would make her look less like a potential home-wrecker, but… they were right. “I know it’s selfish,” she said. “And it probably makes me look like a horrible person. But doesn’t he deserve to know the truth? I mean, if I just let him get married without knowing how I feel…”

Suki sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Look, we can’t _stop_ you, if this is what you really want to do.”

“Yes we could.”

“We are _not_ locking her in the basement. Or barricading the door.”

Katara narrowed her eyes. “Toph, just so you know, I’m glaring at you right now.”

“Yeah, I figured that, Sugar Queen.”

Suki took a deep breath. “Look, if you _really_ want to tell him, you can. He’s right across the hall. I’m just asking you, as a friend—as someone who loves you both—to think about this. Think about _Zuko_. This is supposed to be the happiest day of his life. I’m asking you not to jeopardize that.”

\---

_They’re wrong. They both are. If I don’t do this, I’m going to regret it. Forever._

At this point, Katara wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince. It was almost funny, really—it was exactly that idea of ‘forever’ that had driven her and Aang apart. He wanted it with her. At first, she'd thought she wanted it too. Until she didn’t. Until she realized that the _forever_ she kept imagining for herself... was with someone else. Someone she’d sworn up and down she’d long since gotten over.

It occurred to her, in hindsight, that she’d gotten distressingly good at lying to herself.

And now, with her hand on the door and her heart in her throat, Katara was still desperately trying to shove Toph’s indelicate phrasing and Suki’s disappointed gaze out of her mind. _This is the right thing to do. It is. I have to_. And she pushed down on the handle, stepping into the small waiting room where Zuko seemed to be trying to redo his tie.

For a moment, she just _looked_ at him. He was so intent in his task that he didn’t notice her in the mirror, and… well. The years had been kind. It was hard to believe it had been almost five years since the last time she’d seen him. He’d filled out—no longer a lanky, awkward boy of nineteen, although his bangs still fell into his eyes and her palms itched with the sudden desire to sweep them back.

Suddenly, she felt like she was seventeen again, and that alone terrified her.

Before she could lose her nerve and back away, though, Zuko’s amber eyes flicked up and widened as he saw her reflection. He spun around, and for a moment there was such an earnest look on his face that she almost wanted to cry. “Katara?” he whispered.

Despite everything, the young woman felt an answering smile slide across her face. “You never were any good with ties,” she quipped, managing to make her tone far more light-hearted than she felt. It was easier than it should have been—but then, things with Zuko always were.

A slight blush rose in his cheeks as he glanced down at the mess he’d made of a Windsor, before looking back up with such a helpless, sheepish grin, she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Here.” She walked forward, each step easier than the last, until she was within arm’s reach for what felt like the first moment in a lifetime.

“I… wasn’t sure you’d make it,” Zuko said as Katara undid his attempt and tugged the tie back into place. His voice sounded oddly thick, but she wasn’t entirely sure she hadn’t just imagined it.

“Of course I came,” she said softly, looping one end of the tie around, getting it into the proper knot. “I wanted to see you.” Katara tightened the tie, her knuckles brushing against the skin of Zuko’s throat—she imagined placing a kiss there, feeling his pulse, and wondered if it was jumping as wildly as hers.

“I’m glad you did.”

Katara had to swallow several times, mouth suddenly dry, and it occurred to her that it would be much easier to breathe if she weren’t so damn _close_ to him. “Zuko, I… I wanted to tell you something,” she said, taking a step back and willing herself not to lose heart now.

“What is it?”

“I…” Was it just her imagination, or did he look almost as nervous as she felt? Katara cleared her throat and tried to start again. “I just want you to know…” _Breathe, Katara. Just breathe_. The world had stopped spinning, waiting, breathless.

_I can’t._

“I’m just… _so_ happy for you.” The words came out in a rush, and the anxious knot in the pit of her stomach evaporated as quickly as it had come.

So why was she still on the verge of tears?

Oh. Shit. _Not_ on the verge.

“Are you ok?” Zuko’s concern was almost more than she could bear.

“I’m fine!” she insisted, stubbornly wiping away the tears that were spilling down her cheeks. “It’s your wedding, I always cry at weddings.”

“Yeah, but you usually wait for the ceremony to start.”

“Shut up!” But it did the trick—Katara laughed, shaking her head. She pulled Zuko into a hug, tucking her face into his shoulder. “I just want you to be happy.”

He hesitated. Or maybe she just wanted to believe he did. But then- “I am. Thank you, Katara.”

After a moment she wished would stretch on for eternity, the young woman pulled back. Blue eyes met gold, and she drank him in, committing the planes and angles of his face to memory. One last time.

Then the moment was over, and Katara darted for the door.

\---

Suki looked up with a questioning glance as Katara sank into the open seat beside her. “I didn’t do it,” she said, voice low, as the wedding march started up. She glanced back as the doors opened and the bride started through them, but she couldn’t keep her gaze away from Zuko for long.

He looked so handsome. So _ready_. The part of her that had been about to dump her feelings on him, possibly ruin everything, wanted to believe he was looking at _her_ , but she knew better than that. At least, she did _now_.

Katara felt Suki’s hand slip into hers, and she shot her friend a grateful smile. It felt like an eternity before Mai was finally at the altar with Zuko, and the vows began.

Suddenly she forgot how to breathe.

“I don’t think I can watch this.”

Suki’s brow furrowed in concern, and on her other side Toph nodded in a show of understanding. “Go,” she murmured. “We’ll cover, if anyone asks.”

\---

“Zuko, repeat after me. I, Zuko, take thee, Mai, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

The young man took a deep, steadying breath—he wasn’t sure where the sudden onset of nerves had come from, except that even now, looking into Mai’s eyes, he kept picturing _blue_ , set in a darker face, a smirk she shared with her brother…

 _Focus_.

“I, Zuko,” he began, just as the big door at the other end of the chapel opened—from the corner of his eye he saw a familiar figure slipping out of the building, “take thee…” wait. That couldn’t be right. He turned his head, searching the crowd—he saw Toph, and then Suki, but… the seat beside them was empty. “Katara?”

A murmur rippled through the crowd. More people turned to look as the massive door shut with a resounding thud. “What was _that_?” Mai hissed, and Zuko turned back to her.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Let me start over.” He glanced at the priest, who nodded. Mai looked slightly mollified, and he took her hands again. “I, Zuko, take… take thee…”

_What am I doing?!_

He started to go on, then stopped. This was… all wrong. “Mai, I am… I am _so_ sorry.”

“ _What_?!” Mai’s voice cut like one of her knives—she dropped his hands as if she’d just been burned.

He supposed, in a way, she had.

“I’m sorry. I love you, but… I can’t marry you.” There was one thought on his mind as he stepped down off the dais and started down the aisle, but Mai’s voice brought up him short.

“Zuko? Zuko!” He stopped, but didn’t turn around. “If you do this,” she continued, her voice tight with anger, “it is _over_. For good.”

Zuko turned, just enough to look back. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Behind him, Sokka, in the suddenly awkward position of Best Man without a groom, sought out Suki’s gaze. _What just happened_? He mouthed, but she could only shake her head.

“Still think locking her in the basement was a bad idea?” Toph asked, but her dry tone was belied by the crease of concern between her brows.

“I just hope he knows what he’s doing.”

\---

In the hall, oblivious to the commotion she’d just caused, Katara leaned against the wall, still struggling to breathe. _It’s not fair._ Life isn’t fair. _I know._ Then why couldn’t she stop crying?

It was over, by now. Zuko had a wife. The priest was probably saying ‘you may now kiss the bride’, and thank the spirits she’d gotten out before _that_. _He deserves to be happy. I_ want _him to be happy._ But did it have to hurt _her_ so damn much?

She heard the door open behind her, and froze. That was odd—it didn’t sound like the music was playing, and the rumble of voices that poured through wasn’t exactly the joyous cacophony she’d been expecting to follow the conclusion of the ceremony. Besides, it seemed like it was far too soon for anyone to begin trickling out of the chapel.

“Katara?”

She gasped, releasing the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding—that was _Zuko_ ’s voice, but why… She turned around, slowly, and was perhaps more shocked than she should have been to see him standing there, only a few feet away.

There was really no use in trying to hide the fact that she’d been crying, but that wasn’t going to stop her from giving a valiant effort at it.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked, still breathless, focusing very intently on the perfect Windsor at his throat—she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle looking him in the eyes right now.

But he seemed to have other ideas, judging by the slow, steady steps he was taking towards her. Katara tried to step back, but after a few seconds she realized her feet weren’t moving. It felt like she was in some sort of trance, and her eyes flicked down to watch the path his hand took as it left his side and traveled up to her chin.

He tilted her head up, and she couldn’t avoid it any longer—their eyes met, and a feeling of delicious, _achingly familiar_ warmth pooled in her belly. It was heady enough to make her toes curl. “Zuko…”

“You came back.” His voice was hoarse, barely more than a whisper. It was then that she could feel the tremor in his fingertips, still resting lightly beneath her chin.

And before she could think, let alone _speak_ , his mouth was on hers. He was kissing her, the hand on her face suddenly slipping into her hair, his other resting on her hip as her arms wound around his neck.

This. _This_ was what she had been missing. This was what she’d never had with Aang, even though it had taken her years to realize it.

It felt like coming _home_.


End file.
